Toxic Femininity Mimics Toxic Masculinity

Having watched #SundayNight and the segment about football codes in Australia on Sunday March 17, 2019, the thing that stunned me was the two main women interviewed went out searching for penis. They treated the men like star-meat. They just wanted a piece of fame in their vaginas. They didn’t care about who or what they had to do to get it. They were happy for the group setting of footballers and to be doing whatever they wanted in front of whoever was there. How is that any different to what men do to women?

Women’s Liberation

Women’s liberation in the 1970’s told women to be like men. To be successful they had to dominate, control and intimidate just like men had for centuries. The problem was, in a male dominant culture where men have automatic authority, a woman acting as the sexual aggressor isn’t any more acceptable than the man playing out this role.

Plus, for the women it doesn’t work for them. Once the fun – the chase – is over the women feel hurt and used. Yet they set themselves up to be used. They thought they were using the men but in the light of day the men feel nothing for these women. Sex was offered on a platter and the men dined. The women secretly hoped for respect or love or commitment and then blame the men for their bad attitudes towards women.

Yes, many men in the competitive sporting world of professional football have expressed over and over a lack of respect for women. The women on this show displayed a lack of respect for themselves and then cry foul that they feel disrespected. This is toxic femininity.

Underneath it these women are still women and portraying the masculine sexual prowess of dominate, conquer, take what you can and don’t care about the consequences found them falling short. They didn’t find what they were looking for. They felt disregarded. They ended up hurt by the lack of emotion.

Double Standards

This was classic double standards. The women’s motto was – ‘I can use you but you can’t use me.’ But it’s also a lesson that a woman can’t act like a man and gain the same outcome. There is an inequality between men and women when it comes to sexual activity. My question would be, do we want equality in treating the opposite gender as a piece of meat?

Surely, if we are to strive for equality it would be for respect or kindness or consideration. That women have respect for themselves as much as they respect other women, children, men and the environment – animal and mineral. And true equality would be found in men having respect for themselves, other men, women, children and the environment.

Putting notches on the belt or lipstick case sustains, maintains and creates a lack of respect for self and others. At no point do I support toxic masculinity behaviour. But I do find toxic femininity equally distasteful. The meat market game is just that – a shopping expedition to buy, consume and discard the leftovers.

I know men who don’t enjoy being treated like a piece of meat. They want to be seen, respected and considered rather than being a prize to show off.

Inherent Disrespect

No matter the inherent disrespect that lies in this game if you want to play then you have to be willing to live with the consequences. You can’t sulk that you lost. That’s the rules of this western capitalist patriarchal society, as repugnant as they are. If you want to play with the boys you have to play by their rules.

Women have stepped into that winner takes it all game believing they were equal players. When they discover they aren’t, they withdraw and call it an example of toxic masculinity. Yet they have been displaying toxic femininity by expecting that it is okay for them to do it if men do it.

It’s not okay to treat anyone with disrespect whether it is men doing it to women or women doing it to men.

The culture of fame and sexual prowess needs to change no matter the gender involved or the sport or the industry. Surely, enough is enough?