Have you ever been told that you just have to love yourself more and your life will get better?
It was told to you as if this simple instruction was the solution to all of your problems, right?
But the truth is if it were that easy for you, and all the rest of us, we would have all been problem-free and totally in love with ourselves years ago.
While it is not an untrue statement, it isn’t a solution. It is an invitation to go on a journey of self-love. I mean, how much you love yourself today won’t be the same as you will in ten years. Or at least I hope not.
The general idea of life is to grow and expand the depths of all our needs in an unending expression of greater truth, authenticity and integrity. Life’s challenges can spiral us down into despair and negativity. In this space, self-love, will indeed decrease not increase.
If we take those challenges as opportunities to find out more about ourselves and others we can spiral upwards and expand our presence in the world. To be more present we must find greater depths of self-love, acceptance and worth.
But in the end, all these positive and inspiring words are just that…words.
At worst, you could take them on and make them your conscious intention convincing yourself that just because you think something it must mean you are acting on it. And that your unconscious mind absorbs your conscious minds thoughts and makes it true all the way to your core. But of course we know that’s not true.
We see evidence of that in our lives all the time. We consciously believe one thing but unconsciously another story is running. The fastest way to identify this is to look at what you attract in and to listen to your inner critic talking.
For example: if you believe that you deserve a great partner who loves and adores you but either you’re single or the men you date aren’t so great then your conscious mind isn’t telling the universe the same message as your unconscious mind.
The reality is the laws of attraction are always working even if we believe they are not. Our unconscious beliefs are attracting in our reality.
See, most “solutions” are focused on creating beliefs and intentions that are conscious. Yet, it’s your unconscious mind that has more to say about what comes to you than the conscious mind.
So, love yourself more is ultimately the long term goal or outcome from doing the work on the beliefs that lay within about why you don’t love yourself and why you’re not worthy or good enough to love
You are bound to know the words spoken to you as a kid that made you feel faulty, flawed and imperfect. Being reminded of them tends to lead to overwhelming emotions of sadness, hurt and humiliation. This usually leaves you feeling tired, flat and miserable.
No one likes to be reminded of their pain. But while the pain is there it is sending out messages, vibrations, to the universe saying, “Bring me more of this, I know this reality. I’m safe in this known experience. I know how to survive this because I’ve been doing it for years. I’m good at surviving disappointment and pain.”
There’s no way you want to send out that message but until you do the work to de-charge the message or change the message that’s what is going to happen.
If you want to end up loving yourself, maybe start by liking yourself. Maybe try accepting yourself. Maybe believe in yourself. How about having some faith in yourself? Even try trusting yourself. There are so many layers to loving yourself. It’s not just about loving yourself. It’s about your sense of self-worth. It’s about your ability to respect yourself. It’s about honouring your emotional nature. In fact, it’s about finding your true nature and embracing that.
Journaling is an awesome way to jot down all the beliefs you have about yourself. You can’t grow an awesome garden until you’ve weeded, fertilised and watered the soil for all the goodness to grow in. The same applies to your mind. You have to weed out the limiting beliefs.
Consciousness isn’t the whole picture, it’s the first step. You do have to be aware of your thoughts. But awareness doesn’t change them. Emotionally processing is the second step and it’s vital. You need to take all you discovered in Step 1 and then work with it in Step 2 to change how you think.
Empowered Tapping is a scripted conversation with the parts of the brain involved in belief formation. The process that creates your so-called negative beliefs is also the one that creates your positive beliefs. By getting the parts of the brains attention and telling it that it doesn’t have to keep these patterns in place the brain re-wires itself. That’s how you can end up loving yourself more.
By peeling away all the beliefs of self-hatred, rejection, judgement and imperfection you can come to find the ‘you’ that has always existed and has always been lovable.
So the next time someone tells you to love yourself more, ask them how? If they can only tell you to ‘just do it’ or to ‘set your intent’,’ ‘say positive affirmations’ or ‘look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are lovable,’ remember they aren’t giving you a solution just an end goal. They are only dealing with your conscious mind and to heal your wounds you need to access and change your unconscious mind.
How many ‘solutions’ have been presented to you that only worked at a conscious level and provided no practical changes to how your brain or unconscious mind thought?